she was so not down for the gang bang
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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