OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
