I puked a lego.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
