I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
