well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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