bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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