Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
