Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
