Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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