your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
