before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
