Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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