weddingsv make me drug and hornr
that's an acceptable place to lick
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
