Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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