I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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