someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
