I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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