Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
