Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This is not my ceiling
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
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i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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