my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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