Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
