I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
