You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
