We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
