I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
