i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
