3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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