Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Still dying that you shit outside
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
