you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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