Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
