Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
