More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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