I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
