that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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