The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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