does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Enjoy the penises
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
