I think i sorta joined a cult last night
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
