There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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