I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
