Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
