I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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