I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
