my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
