apparently the secret to your success is patron
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
