I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
