Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize