I should be sponsored by Trojan
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
