While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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