i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
