is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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