I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
