I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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