I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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