my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
