I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
