Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
