i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
