i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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