Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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