Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Houston, we have a squirter
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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