Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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